


Birds, Breezes, Bottled Feelings

by WishingOnWhishaw



Category: Easy Allies RPF, Gametrailers RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Other, Prompt Fill, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7899148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishingOnWhishaw/pseuds/WishingOnWhishaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian's ran away from home, and Kyle thinks he knows where to find her. Whether or not she's going to be in good shape when he gets there is another matter.</p><p>written for a fic dialogue meme with the prompt: "Ever wonder if the world would be better off without you… ?" + hinckman</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birds, Breezes, Bottled Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be a super angsty high school au thing but then I started getting into it and it took a bit of a different direction, so it's a little ambiguous. Hopefully you still enjoy!
> 
>  **note:** mild content warning for depressive and vaguely suicidal thoughts.

It’s getting late, and Kyle walks through the woods with a purpose, tracing the familiar path through the trees to where he’s sure Ian will be. He hopes that’s where she’ll be, doesn’t want to think about where else she might have gone, what he’s going to do if he doesn’t find her. Ian’s talked about running away before, in passing. She’s dropped it into conversations like it was some small, insignificant detail and the moved swiftly on, glossed over it before Kyle could ask questions. Ian tends to do that a lot.  
  
The crisp autumn leaves crunch under Kyle’s feet, and he treads carefully despite his hurried pace, cautious of hidden roots or branches which he could trip over. He’s heading to the lake Ian loves, the one she’s taken Kyle to several times. Kyle knows she likes being out here, that it calms her, and it was the first place that came to mind when Kyle learned that Ian’s phone was off and she hadn’t been seen for hours. He reaches the edge of the trees and breathes a sigh of relief as he comes to the clearing and sees a figure, sat on the floor at the bank of the lake.  
  
Kyle approaches slowly, a little less worried now he knows where Ian is, knows she’s safe, at least. He knows better than to get angry and try to interrogate her, so he makes enough noise as he comes up behind her to alert Ian of his presence, and when he reaches her he asks:  
  
“Mind if I join you?” In the most casual voice he can muster. Ian doesn’t offer a verbal response, but she nods her head, and so Kyle sits himself down on the slightly damp ground beside her. He follows her lead, looks across the water and allows himself to take everything in.  
  
There are birds chirping in the trees around them, the wind is rustling the stray leaves which have managed to cling to their branches, and Kyle would be relaxed if it weren’t for the fact he was still concerned about Ian.  
  
“What are you doing out here?” He questions, gently. He tries to keep his tone curious, to not make Ian feel pressured or confronted, not when it’s so clear that she came out here to be alone.  
  
“Hiding. Thinking,” she answers, simply.  
  
“Thinking about what?” Kyle asks in response. For a long time, his only answer comes from the birds, the breeze, their breathing which punctuates the silence at structured intervals. Kyle figures Ian isn’t going to answer, and so he shifts, getting comfortable to just enjoy their surroundings. He stretches his legs out and puts his hands behind him, his question almost forgotten. He’s given up on the possibility of an answer, and so he’s startled, then, when Ian suddenly speaks up beside him.  
  
“Do you ever think the world would be better off without you?”  
  
“What? No, of course not. Why would you ask that?” Silence. “Ian? Do you think that?”  
  
“Sometimes,” Ian shrugs, still looking straight ahead. She can’t bring herself to look at Kyle, and so she stares off, straight ahead, eyes a little glassy. Kyle’s heart aches in his chest because Ian thinks she’s no good, thinks she’s a burden, that the world needs her gone. He wonders how long this has been weighing on her mind, how long she’s hidden this from him, and pains him to know this has been eating at her and he had no idea.  
  
“Ian,” Kyle breathes, earnestly. “You’re not a nuisance.” He wants to reach out and touch her, to shelter her from the cold breeze around them and the negative thoughts inside her. But Ian looks delicate in the fading daylight, shivering and distant, and Kyle feels like if he tried to comfort her then even the slightest touch would cause her to shatter into tiny pieces. She sighs heavily at Kyle’s words, pulls her knees up close to her chest, arms hugging her bent legs.  
  
“Maybe not to you,” she answers, quietly.  
  
“Not to anyone,” insists Kyle. “Sure, maybe sometimes you annoy people. But everyone annoys someone sometimes. That’s life, Ian. It doesn’t make you a burden, it doesn’t mean people want you to disappear.”  
  
“It’s not just annoying people, I…” She trails off, shaking her head as she thinks better of voicing that thought.  
  
“You what?” Kyle insists, wanting to know what’s bothering her.  
  
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”  
  
“No, Ian, it clearly matters. This is obviously a big deal for you. People don’t run away from home and think about dying over something that doesn’t matter.”  
  
“So it matters to me, big deal,” Ian says, and her voice is bitter. She still won’t look at Kyle, but he can see the tension in her shoulders, the hard set of her jaw. She’s angry and defensive and Kyle just wishes he understood why. “It’s not important, I’m not important. Who cares what my stupid fucking brain is telling me, who cares about my stupid feelings?”  
  
“Me, Ian,” Kyle answers, keeping his voice as calm as he can. He shuffles a little closer, but resists the urge to touch Ian, because she looks like a spring loaded trap, ready and waiting to be set off by even a hair. “I care. I care about you, and I care about whatever is bothering you. Do you think I’d have come all the way out here looking for you if I didn’t care?”  
  
“This is exactly what I mean!” Ian cries, twisting her body, hugging her knees a little tighter. Her eyes are wild and tear filled, and Kyle hates seeing her upset, hates feeling like he can’t help. “I just inconvenience everyone! People worry about me and they shouldn’t, because I’m not important. You could be off enjoying yourself but you went out of your way to find me, to try and make sure that I’m okay, but I’m not, Kyle! And I’m tired of everyone wasting their time on me for nothing, because it doesn’t make any of this better.”  
  
“You think I’m wasting my time right now?” Kyle echoes, voice full of disbelief. “God, Ian, making sure you’re safe is anything but a waste of time. It’s not a chore for me to spend time with you. It’s not like anyone is forcing me to be here, especially not you. I really do care about you, Ian. I went looking for you because I _want_ to make sure you’re okay.”  
  
“Yeah, well I’m not okay, Kyle! And I’m tired of pretending I’m fine just so nobody worries about me.”  
  
“You don’t have to pretend. Not with me, at least. I know you get sad. I know sometimes it’s hard for you to cope with everything, but that’s okay. I know I can’t make that better, I can’t make it all go away, and not pretending I can solve everything. But I’m not leaving you to deal with it alone, either.”  
  
“It’s bad enough I have to deal with it, I don’t want you to get all weighed down with my emotional baggage, Kyle. That’s not fair.”  
  
“No, Ian, it’s not fair that you feel like you have to cope with this by yourself. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about what’s bothering you. I want to know when you’re feeling low like this, because it’s not fair for you to keep it to yourself and then run away without saying anything.”  
  
“I just don’t want to be more of a pain in your ass,” Ian mumbles. The small argument with Kyle has drained her, deflated her, and she curls in on herself now, dropping her gaze to the floor. She feels tentative fingers touch her own, looks up and blinks away tears as she meets Kyle’s gaze.  
  
“You’re not,” he says, sincerely. Ian hadn’t flinched away from the touch, so Kyle covers her hand with his, leans in and maintains eye contact. “You are never a pain for venting to me, okay?”  
  
“But I—”  
  
“Nope,” Kyle interrupts, holding up a finger with his free hand to silence her. “No buts. I want you to talk to me. Always, no matter what’s bothering you. I don’t want to see you bottle it all up and then break down because you can’t cope with this all by yourself.”  
  
“Even if you’re what’s bothering me?” Ian tries to joke, giving Kyle a watery smile.  
  
“Especially if it’s me that’s bothering you,” Kyle nods, chuckling. Ian laughs along with him for a moment, and then they both grow silent again, looking out at the lake. The sunset reflects off the cold water and sets it alight, a fiery orange fading to a blood red as sun dips behind the trees on the horizon. A breeze rustles the branches above their head and Ian shivers, suddenly realising how cold she is in her thin T-shirt. “Wanna head back?” Asks Kyle quietly, afraid of breaking the spell of serenity which seems to have settled over them.  
  
“Can we stay a little longer? It’s so pretty here.” Ian looks a little hopeful behind her wet eyes, her mouth pulled into a barely-there smile, and Kyle doesn’t have the heart to say no, despite the fact he worries about her freezing. Instead, Kyle returns the smile, nods and moves his arm, drapes it over Ian’s shoulders. She leans into the touch eagerly, resting her head on Kyle’s shoulder and letting out a huge sigh. Kyle can feel her relax against him as she looks out across the water, and he presses a light kiss into her hair. He doesn’t catch the grin that the gesture pulls from Ian, nor the stray tear that rolls down her cheek when she closes her eyes and slides down to nuzzle at his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> prompt came from my good friend Casey via my tumblr, which can be found [here](http://jollyhuber.tumblr.com)!


End file.
